I finished my rough draft that was only a day late! YES!!!

I miss Cory, boo!

I'm really kinda glad I'm with him.. and I'm not stressing right now. Thats a good thing too.. Even though I should be doing my journals for spanish. I like to procrastinate obviously.... Darn.

Oh well.

Love.

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I have been majorly slacking on writing in this blog, and if any of you read, I apologize. I was very sick last night and today, yet this didn't stop me from sneaking out to see Cory. Cory is a new guy in my life, I met him from Red Robin.. he was my waitor. Haha.   Anyway, he's 19, from Vegas and an all around nice guy (so far). He has been coming to visit me out at my house a few times and he has met my family. So far I like him. But anyway I went out to his house/apartment last night and met his roomates/friends. They said I was quiet, haha like I told him, if they only knew. But I'm really not looking for their approval. I really don't need anyones approval other than my own, right?? Hopefully things will work out with him.

But anyway I've been sick... like stomach pains and shit.. it sucks. I went to school today and I just couldn't take the pain in my abdomen region so I had my mom call the school to excuse me.. I came home and slept from about noon til 5.. I have ate a little, but I'm hoping it doesn't backfire on me.

The title to this blog is "Jesus Christ" from Brand New's album "The Devil and God are Raging Inside of Me". I'm very much so in love with that song. You should definitely go out and buy the album.
Anyway.. I miss Michael so much... life has been way too hectic for him recently and he doesn't have time for me anymore... so I figured I would move on while he tries to find himself... which is what I'm doing with Cory. Hopefully, just hopefully it won't end up in another heartache..

Goodnight.

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    Yesterday we went on a Art Foundations trip to about 10 different art galleries. Most of the peices were beautiful... I'm sure I would have enjoyed the trip more if I had someone my age there. I was entombed in a bus with a bunch of immature little kids, I swear I wanted to rip all of their heads off one by one. They were disrespectful and all around retarded during that whole trip. I wish Mr. Ralston would have bit off their heads.  I saw a bunch of pieces that I loved! Some of them have really impacted my view on art. One of my newfound favorite sculptures is  "El Toujors! El Jamais! (Always & Never)" -1863 by Pierre-Eugine-Emile-Hében. I am trying desperately to find a picture of it since I didn't find the batteries for my camera until later during that trip. I can't seem to find a picture for it, but if you ever have a chance to go to KU, definitely go look at it. A poem was written about the sculpture, hopefully it'll help you understand it.
   
        "He grasps her in cold bronze, prompting meditation or immortality, or pornography. Her smooth limbs are pinched between the terrible pliers of his skeletal legs, one scrawny hand approaches a breast; the other on her thigh seeks her secret crevice. Her pressed knees can't protect her even as her elastic torso leans seductively into his emaciated length. Her hair falls back to shroud them both, as she lifts her head toward a fleshless kiss, doomed by his awful vitality and her own languorous longing." -- Elizabeth Schultz

    We went to other galleries, such as the one Mr. Ralston has his pottery in, and a glass expressions gallery, I fell in love with a lot of glass pieces in there... if only I had the money to blow on them lol. 

    I think thats about it.... I'm sick of the guys at work.. They should all break a finger or something. 

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Today is payday and I'm stoked. I love getting money. I know this paycheck will be larger than normal considering I worked two weeks with about 2-3 hours everyday but two days I had off.. So yay hopefully the money will be good. I shouldn't get my hopes up though. I owe my parents $50 for insurance and bullshit... and then $20-30 will go to my gas tank.. I need to save up as much money as possible... I will more than likely have to pay $50 for my Senior bullshit..... (Cap, gown, etc) and that sucks. I hope my parents decide to pay that for me. [Again I shouldn't get my hopes up].. I have nothing else to really write, except that I want the week to end already. I'm sick of school.....



Alright, guess thats it. I still miss Michael of course...but that was a given wasn't it.

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I haven't been keeping up on this blog. Shame on me. So not alot has happened. I've decided I only want to be with one person, whom I know I can't have right now (based on my thoughts). I can't help but constantly missing him, and I don't want that feeling while I'm dating him because it would drive me psycho. Recently I've been going to school and working, which is totally an upset. The last two weeks I have worked I worked every day but one or two, and this week they only scheduled me for three days. Those assholes. School grades are good, although I need to work harder in some of my classes I know I should have an A in. My car is doing okay for now. It could have rear seal leak (don't quote me) which means that if it doesn't fix itself it'll be $1500 to fix. Which sucks. Its doing okay though for now.

So, thats about all I have to say.            More stuff later..
I need to upload some CDs

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I have been slacking. Friday started out as a bad day, but then it turned wonderful. I woke up, got up and then found out when I got to school I couldn't find my cell phone... One of the teachers turned it in, then I found out that I had left my wallet at home... I had about 5 dollars that Mr. West [my principal] gave me! We left late to get to KU and stayed in a confrence room for about 2 hours listening to this guy talk.. Then at 2 we finally got to get on a bus to go through KU on a tour. We got dropped off at the Union and this guy picked us up to take us on the tour. His name was Daniel, and boy was he beautiful. We went around KU on foot for about an hour and a half and then we got back up at the Union to eat. We roomed the place for a bit and then we tried to catch a bus back, and ended up waiting for about 20-30 mins outside worried as hell that the bus would never come. [It did]. After that we went to Beav's house to get some cheesecakes she had to drop off at work. After we went to McDonalds we went to the mall.. I drove out there. We ended up chilling out there for a while and DJ and I decided that I would go out to his new apartment after he got off work. Beaver and I went dress shopping/looking while we were waiting and she left around 7:15ish. That was horrible, I actually tried on dresses with her that day, just for the fuck of it. Oh man, never again.
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Anyway. So Spencers was really busy last night so DJ didn't get back to his house til about 10.. I was trying to sleep in his bed when he came in... I think he got really aggitated with me because of that, he may have taken that as something that I didn't mean. DJ has always been in my heart and he's always been looking for something more between us, its just something that I just can't find... And I think the whole Michael thing is killing him even more.. But I had a really good heart to heart with him last night about the whole thing, and I think he understands me a bit more. I miss Michael... I hope he still feels the same. Every time we have this in between time when he doesn't talk to me it kills me, because I know he could be out there with other girls, and I'd never know it... I just wish I could trust someone for once.

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I'm dying, seriously. I've been working every day for the past two weeks except Saturday last week and Friday this week. I think they love to overkill me. I worked for Sam today because she was at home sick, and they decided to let me go home early, even though I was supposed to close.  [I <3 Steve, the owner].

I had a test today in Geometry, I was really not liking that too much. I wonder if he got it graded...Nope. Damn. I'm glad I'll have 5 extra credit points for turning in that extra credit sheet... Yes. I'm up to a B in that class and its wonderful, because I'm used to tottering on C levels for math.... I love Campbell so much more than my other asshole teacher from TW. I never went to his class so I don't even remember his name... Damn.  Friday I'm going to KU for a Senior Visit Day. Its going to be exciting because Beaver and I are going by ourselves! I don't know what we're doing after though, I'm glad I have the day off though... Those assholes scheduling me so damn much..... ah... More money right?


Someone do my research paper of middle eastern mistreatment of women in MLA format for me please, because it would be nice... And, while you're at it, create an ofrenda for Kurt Cobain. Oh oh, and you could catch me up on whatever else I need to do. Do it now.... :]
 
ily all... I miss Michael, I want his kiss, his touch, his smile sooo much.. Come back to me darling....

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I think I've finally realized how insane my life is at this certain time. I'm finally single and exploring my options very widely. I'm in love with someone but scared to be with them and sometimes I feel like life is slipping away ever so slowly for me.

I feel this is the only place I can really talk about whats happening with me. I trust the people viewing this blog are my closest friends and would not say a word to anyone if they read something very controversial here. Even with that said, I will withdraw information, because thats how it has to be.

Kevin called me last night, we got into a huge arguement.. It started because he told me I should be having more fun in my life, not just working and going to school. I told him that I was fully content with my life, and he just kept pressing the idea that I wasn't having fun. Little does he know that only the night before I was having the time of my life with Michael and Beaver. He really doesn't know me anymore, and that makes me sad.

About Michael, he's someone that I have always cared about and that will never change. Our past relationships were never too rocky, except when I was truely scared to be with him... which is why our relationship ended and why I'm so hesitant to start another again.. He has my heart..



Work. Its a four letter word thats kicking my ass. Not to mention school work, which is also kicking my ass. I've worked all week last week except for Saturday which is the day I spent with Michael. I had to work the next day at 10, but I forgot so I was an hour and a half late. Surprisingly Mom wasn't too mad at me, or at least she didn't say so. I don't know. I think things are starting to work out more at that job, and I'm learning. If I know just a little more, maybe it won't seem so hard..

My ipod froze for some odd reason. I'm hoping that when I get home today if I put it on the computer it'll just reset.. If not I'm screwed.. It won't shut off at all.  I'm worried.

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I am finally restarting a new blog, one I will try to be most dedicated to.

It is easiest to catch me on myspace, the link is under my profile, if you are careful you might stumble upon it.

This blog is under construction until further noticed.


I'm not digging these smilies.

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